The Reason Why I’m Here
My story may seem unremarkable, but it is my story, and it is the reason why I am here. My son is an alcoholic. He has been for about 15 years. In 2017 at the age of 22, he was diagnosis with cardiomyopathy. Cardiomyopathy is best explained by saying, “where a healthy heart pumps blood at 60%, his pumped at 9%”. His doctors told us his heart was failing and they put him on the heart transplant list. I didn’t cry, I guess I was in denial, but the tears did not come. Even after the doctors told us that his heart was damaged by his excessive drinking, I still did not cry. My son wasn’t just an alcoholic, he was what some would call a sloppy drunk, a raging alcoholic, a wino. There was no denying it, so why cry.
Even after this heart wrenching diagnosis, my son continued to drink. Eventually, his actions tore my family apart. My ex-husband and I no longer speak (we were friends). My brother and I fought over his living with my parents. My brother-in -law and I fought over his care and expenses. His maternal grandmother kicked him out of her house, essentially rending him homeless. The paternal and maternal sides of the family were deeply divided.
Enter FRAA – Families Recovering from Alcoholism and Addiction. This organization is in its infancy, but they have so much to offer the families with loved ones suffering from addiction. I found out about FRAA after working with one of its founding members. FRAA isn’t another support group like Al-Alon. FRAA is not a round table of discussion or sessions of commiseration. This organization is unique because it supports the entire family, not just the addict. It’s a lifeline to families that struggle. It’s a lifeline to me.
As I sit down to write this testimonial, I am overcome with a wave of emotion. FRAA made me realize that I am a survivor. Why, you ask? I’m the mother of a son who’s recovering from an addiction. While he’s battling his addiction and his demons, I’m battling his addiction and demons. I’m surviving. I’m surviving as a family member, as a mother, as a woman. I found solace in knowing that there were services there for me.
FRAA helped me realize that addiction is a disease and it is contagious. When a loved one has an addiction, the rest of the family catches it. It affects every family member and loved one connected to the addict. Where Al-Anon teaches families that they are not alone, they preach that the loved one has to want to get better and as moms and dads, we should not feel as if we failed the addicted loved. On the other hand, FRAA says, “mom/dad, you did not fail, but nor do you have to be complacent.” FRAA has the resources and the counseling to help you mom & dad with your loved one and to help you with your personal struggles.
FRAA gave me the strength to deal with my personal feelings. That gave me the strength to save my son’s life. Myles is my entire world. He is my son, my only child. Losing him could mean losing a piece of me, but FRAA came to the rescue. FRAA helped me to understand my mental health and well-being are equally important and that I don’t have to deal with this alone.
Today, Myles is thriving. This time, I found a facility that treated Myles depression as a means of treating his addiction. FRAA explained to me what was happening while Myles was being evaluated. They explained his medical issues during detox. They gave me insight on his facility and his care. And finally, for the 1st time in 8 years, I heard my baby laugh. He called me mommy (yes, he’s 30) and we talked more in one day than we’ve talked all year. He has a long road ahead. I know that, but at least now that road is paved with the kind of help that treats the family, not just the addiction or the addicted.
With Heart Felt Appreciation and Love,
Dr. Monica M Thompson-Henry, CCTS, MBA, DBA